I love that I can see the search terms that bring people over to my humble little blog. I know I write about what seems to be the most random hodge podge of topics, but it seems that as unusual as my topics are, the search terms that connect readers to it are even more weird. Check out my list of favorites from the so-far brief history of The Kuhniverse.
1. “The Boyfriend Application”
I wrote about an open position at Jennifer Kuhn industries in the very early days of my blog. Apparently it’s something that people are thinking about. I’ve gotten three hits with these keywords. I wonder if they’re looking for a template because they are considering their own application process. I mean, I’m probably onto something huge here. Investors wanted. Similar search terms like “Requirement to boyfriend” and “Available position as boyfriend” were also used twice.
2. “Manhattan where to get ID”
Well, I got mine in the sketchy back room of a tattoo parlor on Bleecker. You’re welcome, young’uns. Just stay out of my watering holes and there should be no problem.
3. “Funny relationship stuff”
Yes. It’s true. All of my relationships have been funny. And horrifying, tragic, and a complete waste of time (well, most of them). There’s pretty much nothing funnier than finding out I was duped into dating someone two years younger than my mother (I swear he is a vampire because he simply does not age!). And basically every guy I’ve dated (except for one) has been a complete joke. Blah. I mean LOL.
4. “Why I’m single”
The Kuhniverse apparently has lots of answers to lots of questions. I’m guessing that whoever it was that came to my blog with that search term has intelligence issues, because my blog is certainly not going to be able to answer why that reader is single. Nevertheless, thanks for reading!
5. “When will Hurricane Sandy go away?”
Meteorologist Kuhn did worry for a second there about Superstorm Sandy from 2012, but it blew over pretty quickly. Note to this reader: the best place to look for weather information is probably the weather channel.
6. “Sick of loser ex” and “Loser ex boyfriend keeps coming back”
I’m sick of this loser who keeps coming back too, so I totally sympathize. Hopefully my experiences have shed some light on my readers. Don’t take them back, ladies!
7. “Winter coat Kuhn”
This one pretty much creeps me out. All I can think of is that someone out there wants to wear me as a winter coat. I’m seeing “Silence of the Lambs” and feeling really really scared.
8. “Movements to remove Christmas as a holiday 2012″
NO NO NO NO NO! I do NOT want to remove Christmas as a holiday! NEVER! The Kuhniverse will never support this endeavor and wishes that people who do would disassociate themselves with this blog. Major thanks, though, to the person who googled “Merry Christmas, there I said it” – I say it too. No big deal.
9. “Who is my mother?”
This sounds like a personal problem (a really sad, sad, terrible personal problem). Even more sad, perhaps, is the fact that someone thinks that perhaps this blog would hold the answer to the reader’s maternal issues.
10. “Imagined bed shaking”
I hereby solemnly swear that I did not imagine the bed shaking. It was really and most truly shaking, and it was petrifying. Other search terms related to this one are “scary demon stories true”, “horror stories demon ghost”, “scary demon stories real”, “terrifying demon stories”, “real demon stories WordPress”, and “notice sulphur smell after demonic”.
Apparently we know what the people care about: wearing Kuhns as winter outerwear, demons, hating on Christmas, finding out who their mothers are, and finding boyfriends and fake IDs.